64 Ways to Piss Off a Cop 1 - When you get pulled over, say, "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol." 2 - When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3 - When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4 - If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say, "No. My speedometer only goes up to ...." 5 - Touch him. 6 - When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. 7 - Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 8 - Refer to him by his first name. 9 - Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 10 - When he says no, cry. 11 - If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harrassment. 12 - If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. 13 - If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood. 14 - When he asks you to spread 'em, tell him you don't go that way. 15 - When he puts on the handcuffs, say, "My dates usually buy me dinner first." 16 - Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, 'cause you don't like to get ink on your fingers. 17 - After you sign the ticket and give it back to him, say, "Oopps ! That's the wrong name." 18 - Bribe him with donuts and when he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I just ate the last one." 19 - When he comes up to the car, say, "license and registration, please" right when he says it. 20 - When he starts to read you your rights, sing, "La, la, la, la, I can't hear you !" 21 - Trip and fall into him. 22 - Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away. 23 - Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen) 24 - Chew on the pen, nervously. 25 - Clean your ear with the pen. 26 - If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring. 27 - Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say, "I thought that name sounded familiar...." 28 - Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.... 29 - Act like you're retarded. 30 - When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly. 31 - Or mumble to yourself. 32 - When he tells you to stop, say, "What are you talkin' about, DUDE ?" 33 - Drive to Dunkin' Donuts and say, "Hmmmmm.... only five of you here tonight..." 34 - Ask if they know how to make the donuts. 35 - When he comes to the car, say, "I have a badge just like that." 36 - Ask if he watches "COPS." 37 - Ask if he ever watched "Cop Rock." 38 - Giggle if he did. 39 - Talk to your hand. 40 - Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer and her five favorite friends. 41 - Accuse him of sexual harrassment if he does. 42 - When he frisks you, grin and say, "You missed a spot..." 43 - When he asks to inspect your car, say, "There is no alcohol in my car, sir. The last cop took it." 44 - Try to sell him your car. 45 - Ask if you can buy his car. 46 - If he takes you to the station, ask to sit up front. 47 - Play with the siren. 48 - If you know him, tell him you had his wife for dinner. 49 - If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. 50 - Oopps.... I meant "OVER" for dinner. 51 - Ask if he ever had poon-tang. 52 - If he asks what that is, point at him and giggle. 53 - If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues. 54 - When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him, and laugh. 55 - When you are in the back of his car, touch his neck through the screen. 56 - Turn your head and whistle. 57 - When he pulls out his night stick, ask, "What are you gonna do with that ?" 58 - If you are female, say, "I don't do that on the first date." 59 - If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine. 60 - Ask if you can see his gun. 61 - When he says it isn't allowed, tell him, "I just wanted to see if mine is bigger." 62 - Stare at his lights and say, "Look at the pretty colors." 63 - Tell him you like men in uniforms. 64 - Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.