Blonde Jokes Q: What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A: The 1984 Hide and Seek World Champion. Q: How does a blond kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell, as she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? A: Elvis has been sighted. Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: She kept throwing out all the "W"s. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the same computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a Blonde? A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige....I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A golden retriever. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think, I'm blonde!" BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?" Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh? Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down! A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well," and turned around and drove home.