Buttering the Cat

     Question: If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will always drop 
     butter 
     side down. But when you drop a cat it will always land on its feet. 
     What 
     would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the 
     back 
     of a cat (butter side up) and dropped both? 
     
     Answer: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you 
     should 
     be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand 
     that 
     the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline 
     aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot land on its back. 
     
     If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to 
     resolve 
     this paradox.  Therefore it simply does not fall. 
     
     That's right!  You have discovered the secret of antigravity!  A 
     buttered 
     cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of 
     cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium.  This 
     equilibrium 
     point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter - providing 
     lift - 
     or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. 
     
     Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this 
     principle to 
     drive their ships within planetary systems.  The loud humming heard by 
     most 
     sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred cats. 
     
     The one obvious danger, of course, arises if the cats manage to eat 
     the 
     bread off their backs. In this case they will instantly plummet. 
     
     Naturally the cats will land on their feet but this generally doesn't 
     do 
     them much good, since right after they make their landing several tons 
     of 
     red-hot starship and irritated aliens crash on top of them.