Computer Gospel And on the 7th day, he said: there will be kernel And it shall multitask And it shall support virtual memory Then the lamb broke the fourth seal, and there was a great coredump.... And the Lamb was without gdb And no core could be traced. And all was darkness For it was sun ; and therefore crippled Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of passwd, i fear no access In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the earth. For Bill Gates hath rode high. The earth was however, with silicon Out of the silicon and chaos rose the great CPU And it was SPARC And SPARC was good. And on the sacred scroll, there was GPL. And he broke the ninety-five seal on the package. Bill Gates and his army of darkness rode forth And they claimed all the CPU time in the name of the WYSIWIG, a horrible creature. And BSD spawn forth daemons. And the daemons proceeded to make the best of the remaining cpu time... For they were efficient. And Jesus spoke, "Brothers, fork not what you will not exec." "Always free your mallocs." And never time() when one can gettimeofday() And the commandments said: Thou shalt not worship DOS ; for it is lame Love thy kernel like thyself Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors P99-29873529857 and his X fonts And thou shalt not rm -rf /* as root, even to install upgrades. And thou shalt not kill -9 -1 as root, whatever thy reason Cast thy proceses upon the /proc filesystem ; for you shall still find them running after many days And when Jesus turned Intels into Alphas, there was a great rejoicing. "Truly it is a miracle," exclaimed Peter... And they ran OSF/1...and it was slow, and buggy And the admins sagged in despair, for it was like SYSV SYSV was the beast they had run off gthe corners of the earth before And they feared the dark star And the dark star descended across the earth. and all domains were registered with att.com And the lusers lost faith in the admins And were banished to the wastelands of Dynix and XENIX And mesg no longer saved them, for the dark one had confiscated all setuid bits And Pilate asked the crowd, "Do you want BSD or OS/2?" And the crowd shouted, "WE WANT BSD! WE WANT BSD!" So Pilate freed BSD and sent OS/2 to be crucified... The kernel was evil ; for it paniced It looped endlessly, and suffocated the daemons And crond could not save them For it was wandering for 40 days and 40 nights across the swap And it was lagged ; for it was A/UX, and required a load average of 1 just to run And the ircd held on to the bitter end. But there was a RunBug (tm) And it was evil. And difficult to find. For the evil sorceror crypt() had rendered all comments invisible And the dark forces of AT&T hath extended the keylength 7 times seventy Thinking Machines worked for 40 days and 40 nights And they cored often On the 40th day, one cried out: Broadcast message from root on console: We hath found the key And it was multicast And all the kernels in all the world waited patiently for the UDP packet to arrive so they could crush the dark forces and return to glory But AT&T hath discovered the plan And they unleashed evil ICMP And many kernels were ultrix, and therefore naked And they believed the lie.